DC Takes a Crap on the Teen Titans

I know that I recently reviewed the downward spiral that is DC Comics' Teen Titans, but after reading the latest issue (Teen Titans #83), it bears repeating.  Why has DC decided to crap on the Teen Titans? 

When Geoff Johns revamped the Teen Titans and wrote for the first 40 or so issues, the Teen Titans were fantastic.  Again.  The writing harkened back to the days of Marv Wolfman writing the New Teen Titans back in the 80s.  Now, I'm not saying that Johns is the end-all and be-all of comic book writers.  He's great, but I think there are a lot of other talented writers out there as well. 

After Johns, Sean McKeever took over the Teen Titans and it was tolerable.  Not great, but tolerable.  It's like he was keeping them afloat until DC could find another suitable writer to be Johns' worthy successor.  Now DC has brought onboard Felicia D. Henderson who has absolutely no comic book or superhero writing experience.  Her background includes TV series like Fringe; Gossip Girl; Everybody Hates Chris; Soul Food; Sister, Sister; Family Matters; and Moesha.  The last time I checked, the Teen Titans wasn't a cheesy family sitcom.  Wait a minute...scratch that.

With Henderson, Teen Titans has gone from mediocre to bad.  I know the Teen Titans features teenage characters, but does the writing have to appear like it was written BY a teenager?  The storyline and dialogue are amateurish at best. 

Here are some examples from the latest issue, #83:

Blue Beetle: "Want to go get something to eat?"
Static: "Thanks, man.  But I'm spent. Think I'll raid the fridge and crash."
Blue Beetle: "Dakota was crazy, huh?"
Static: "Much and very."
Blue Beetle: "Everything okay, with the fam?"
Static: "Yeah.  You know. They miss me. I miss them."

Later...
Static: "Hey, I decided I wanna go out and get something to -- looks like you're taking off."
Blue Beetle: "Have to."
Static: "What's wrong?"
Blue Beetle: "Holocaust nearly killed us.  Something weird's going on with Miss Martian. We're going to have to go to another dimension to find Raven. Who knows what we'll face? Who knows if we'll get back? I need to see my mom."
Static: "I feel you."

Superboy: "She's acting all weird like she doesn't want me around.  And it's getting really old, really fast."
Impulse: "If you don't know what's going on, why don't you ask her?"
Superboy:  "Because if Cassie [Wonder Girl] doesn't wanna be with me she should just say so."

Wonder Girl: "Can we talk?"
Superboy: "Yeah.  Come on in.  So...what's up with you?"
Wonder Girl: "Nothing.  I mean, everything.  In case you haven't noticed, Raven's missing, and I'm the leader now, and it's a lot of pressure, and --"
Cut to: Superboy kissing Wonder Girl up against the wall.
Superboy: "That make it better?"
Wonder Girl: "No...make it harder."

Huh?

Superboy: "...anyway, we're kissing.  It's heated.  I'm thinking, we're fine!  But then Rochelle busts in."
Impulse:  "No way."
Superboy: "Oh yes."
Impulse: "Don't worry, dude. She's hot and she carries around her own rope.  You'll get together again."
In walks Wonder Girl: "Unfortunately, we're together right now."
Superboy: "Cassie!  Can you just tell me what's going on?"
Wonder Girl: "Are you serious?"
Superboy: "I know how it sounded but I was just getting advice."
Wonder Girl: "I'm the leader here. How's the team going to respect that with you sharing my business like that?"
Superboy: "I'm sorry."
Wonder Girl: "And that helps me how?"

Wonder Girl: "Lorena, have you ever been to that undersea area?"
Aquagirl: "No.  No one has.  Down that deep there are sea creatures unlike any other.  Some are really dangerous."
Bombshell: "She's asking if you can handle the pressure, water wimp."
Aquagirl: "You're two seconds from finding out how lucky you are to have an onsite operating room."
Wonder Girl: "Are you serious?  Get it together, you two."

Are YOU serious, DC?  Get it together. 

Why am I complaining so much?  Because I have an emotional investment in the Teen Titans that dates back to the 80s.  Because I hate to see them -- for lack of a better term -- crapped on.  And because DC is charging $3.99 a comic for a horribly written superhero team comic book that features equally horribly written back-up features.   I was relieved when the Ravager back-up tale (written by the aforementioned Sean McKeever) was ending and looking forward to the new Coven story featuring Black Alice.  After reading the first installment, I have to wonder:  Is Gail Simone the only writer that can pull off the under-used, weird, and dark Black Alice?

Sorry.  I just had to vent.  With so many quality DC comics out there, why do the Teen Titans have to suffer?

Watch Her Pull A Rabbit Out Of Her Hat

I admit that I've never been a big fan of Zatanna, the magical sorceress in the DC Universe.  I've always felt she was a weak character and wore a costume too closely resembling Black Canary's.  Mostly, though, it's always bugged me to have to read her magical spells written sdrawkcab.  (That's "backwards," folks.  See?  Annoying, right?)  It's always slowed down the reading process for me and made me lose interest when she'd jump into the ring in a Justice League of America battle. 

When DC Comics announced that Zatanna was getting her own monthly series, I wondered why.  I wondered why because I was curious why the Powers-That-Be thought that this supporting character was strong enough to carry her own series.  With so many interesting heroines, why should Zatanna warrant a starring role?  

I picked up Zatanna #1 this past week and found myself enjoying it (despite the backwards spells).  What intrigued me most was the writing.  Paul Dini provides some sharp dialogue and witty banter between Zatanna and her newly introduced supporting characters.  I felt like I was watching an early episode of Moonlighting.  I also love it when writers incorporate the hero's (or heroine's) personal/private life into the comic, as Dini did in issue #1.  I feel like after thirty years, I am finally getting to know who Zatanna is.  Lastly, I appreciated that the story (and hopefully future stories) takes place in San Francisco, away from popular cities in the DC Universe as Metropolis or Gotham City.  Sure, the Teen Titans make their home in San Francisco, but are they really ever there anymore?  (See my TT review.) 

As long as these elements hold true, I'll be reading Zatanna.  Or rather, I'll be reading (albeit slowly) Annataz.