Dork Reign

In case you're unaware, Marvel Comics has this ongoing theme/story running called "Dark Reign" throughout most of their comic books: Norman Osborn (formerly the Green Goblin) has a government job running the agency called H.A.M.M.E.R., which replaced S.H.I.E.L.D. As the director of this new "law-enforcing" agency, Osborn creates his own Avengers and X-Men team, made up of villains posing as superheroes. And nobody notices.

I know, I know. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking WTF? And you'd be right.

Maybe I'm not on the same trippy substance as the current Marvel writers and executives, but seriously...WTF? From the few different series and issues I've read or browsed, I just have to wonder how it is that not a single person has questioned that the "heroes" look a little different than their counterparts...and are killing people. Case in point: the new "Spider-Man" looks like Venom. And IS Venom. The new "Hawkeye" sticks a pen in the eye of a "fan" asking for his autograph. Norman Osborn is a hybrid of Iron Man and Captain America called Iron Patriot, but I guess people just see him as Iron Man or Captain America, depending on who they want to see? Kinda like one of those Magic Eye puzzles? But wait...doesn't everyone know that Norman Osborn is/was the Green Goblin? And everyone is...okay with all this? I feel like I'm in the middle of an I Love Lucy episode where Lucy is trying to deceive Ricky by wearing a fake mustache and...it works! He has no idea who she is!

Anyway, onto one single (but long) story of the thoroughly confusing (and dull) Dark Reign storyline: the Dark X-Men / Dark Avengers crossover "Utopia," which runs through a series of one-shots and the Dark Avengers and Uncanny X-Men series. I read most of the storyline, avoiding the Dark Avengers series since I don't currently collect or read them. However, after reading the first one-shot about "Utopia," I was regretting purchasing the rest, including Uncanny X-Men, which I regularly buy. Again...WTF? There was no coherent thought process throughout and I didn't care about anyone or anything I read. To top it off, the Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Utopia #1 one-shot was drawn by Marc Silvestri, an artist who became big in the 1990s when the women of the X-Men became a lot more bustier, a lot more Asian, and the stories took second (or third) place to all of this. Is it any wonder that's when I stopped reading comics after 15 years of nonstop dedication? Ugh.

I forced myself through all of the issues of "Utopia" I had purchased...and I still have no idea what happened. And, honestly, don't really care to know. All Marvel needs to know is that it's time to drop the lame Dark Reign storylines throughout its titles before it begins to lose readers. DC is currently doing a "MARVELous" job with their "Blackest Night" storyline. It's one of their best ever. Why is Marvel trying to compete with the poorly assembled Dark Reign? Forget Dark X-Men, Dark Avengers, Dark Wolverine, Dark This, Dark That. If I ever hear the word "dark" again, it'll be too soon. There's such a thing as overkill, Marvel.